I think I am morally bankrupt
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
