Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
