You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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