I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I have already put on my inside pants.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
