every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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