Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
