She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
