if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
