I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
