The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
