she was so not down for the gang bang
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
