If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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