Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
