the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
