Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
