you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
