I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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