just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
It's Friday. Sex?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
