it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
