Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
