how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
