I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
