Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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