JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
