i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
