i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
