I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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