She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
did i walk over a car last night?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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