If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just want nice things and good sex
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
