All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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