the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
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He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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