this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize