I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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