eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
