i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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