it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
