If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
