Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This is classic penis vs brain.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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