your thong is hanging out like whoa
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
