The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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