There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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