You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You pole danced in your parka.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
