It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
did you just send me my own nude
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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