Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
