I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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