hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Couch. On fire.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
