I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
