I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
