Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
