Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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