I met the friendliest cop last night
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
