At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I want a musical about memes.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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