i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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