toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
