coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
