areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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