I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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