i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
