Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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