I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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