Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
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I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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