i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
