my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
