If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
