His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
