Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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